This is going to blow your mind, okay.
Okay?
We're musicians. Appearances are everything. Right? We have to convince you we live a certain lifestyle. You must believe that certain things we say about ourselves are true. And maybe you're even willing to believe that certain things we say about ourselves are an exaggeration. Hyperbole. Poetic license. But some things must remain absolute.
This whole last year you've believed we sold everything we owned and bought a camper. Right? You've seen our camper pass through your town. Sometimes you send us text messages that say, "Are you in my town right now because I just saw a camper and truck that look exactly like yours?"
What if we told you...brace yourself...what if we told you....
"Actually....last year we went to Camping World and bought a cardboard box. No. We don't live in a camper. We live in a cardboard box."
Yeah. It leaks little bit when it rains. But it's a cardboard box. I mean, of course the sides expand and fill up with air when we're going 65 down a freeway. It's a cardboard box. The axle you ask? Broken in 3 months. It's a cardboard box.
This is living the dream, our friends. We bought a cardboard box.
If you can't tell, we're having a little camper trouble. You've known us to have camper trouble before and have even helped us out by buying us new tires when we needed them and gas when the price of gas was really high last year. We're really grateful. Tonight, we just want to let you in on what's going on in our living situation, though. We don't want or need anything. There are warranty's for what we're experiencing. We hope.
But tonight, we're in Omaha and there's a thunderstorm and flash flood warnings, (coincidentally, we're parked by the Missouri River) and we're waiting on an order to go through at Camping World that says they can do a quick-fix sort of repair to keep our roof from ballooning while we drive down the freeway before we take it back in to the Camping World in Nashville so that it can be looked over and the roof fixed. Also, the side of the camper expands and fill with air, making this a very structurally unsound cardboard box with wheels. We're leaky. A little mad. But doing alright. There's still whiskey in this cardboard box.
Friends, this isn't something that is unique to us. Leaky roofs are not a patent we own. But we wanted to say it's happening to us.
Maybe it was because we laughed too hard at the 1980's Tom Hanks classic, The Money Pit. If you haven't seen it, borrow your buddy's Netflix account and stream it tonight. And then when you see the part where Tom Hanks gets thrown into the water fountain, think of us. You see, we won't even go near the Robin Williams classic, RV.
We don't want to be complainers, and we're not going to complain. We're just going to tell you what happened. Like, as a way of documenting it. This is just a part of our life. Just like other things are part of other people's lives. Just how do you think The Money Pit was written? And in the grand scheme of things people are gonna say, it doesn't matter. People are gonna say that we'll laugh about it later. It's just part of the fabric . Whether it's a mistake or it's on purpose, it's our quilt. Mallory said that. And then she said, "That sounds really Zen. You know what will make Zen easier to get to? If it's in martini form. A Zentini. I think Asheville has one. We should move to Asheville. It never rains in Asheville, right?"
Tonight, we're in the campground of lost and broken campers. On the other side of the campground there are circus folk, a band of itinerant hustlers, duct tape holding their living situation together, a hose running from the public restroom to their fresh water tank. And next to us is a pop up camper whose occupants are sleeping in their truck. Don't worry. We're okay. There's more whiskey under the bed. We're scared. I love you. Bye. Everybody's okay. We live in a cardboard box.