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  • Writer's pictureThe Rough & Tumble

The Rumbly Tummy: Goatless Cheeze

We've been steadily working on The Rumbly Tummy: A Cook & Color Book since getting to Scott's parents' farm in Central California. We occasionally have to make trips outside of the small town of Dinuba to find ingredients, as there is a surprising lack of tempeh at the local Walmart. After kitchen testing all 54 recipes, we happened on New Year's Eve with a lot of extra room in our bellies on account of them stretching, and a little bit of nostalgia for the days of cheeseboards and champagne with friends.

We found the house to ourselves, with no one around to judge us for picking around prosciutto and declining dairy, so this little gluten-free vegan duo set out to get fancy with our limited supplies. Our main dish ended us up with some pretty legit vegan crabcakes (coming to you next edition), but the prize of the night that took our palettes back to dietary restriction-less times was creamy, dank cheese. And we had everything we needed for it. Which was a New Year's Eve miracle unto itself.

We turned on the fireplace, cued up Netflix, pulled the kitchen table into the living room and spent an evening thinking about our friends and how they are changing, and then how we are changing, too. Not even our cheese is made out of the same thing, anymore. But that doesn't mean it doesn't still taste as good. And with a little luck and a little growth, even if you eat the whole dish yourself or with your best pal, the bellyaches become fewer, and the regrets do, too..

Goatless Cheeze


1 c raw walnuts, soaked for 8-12 hrs.

2-4 TBSP olive oil or canola oil

2 TBSP water

2 TBSP nutritional yeast

2 TBSP lemon juice

1 TBSP white or yellow miso (we used a white-red mix)


Fresh parsley


1. Drain and rinse the walnuts with cold water. Place in food processor or magic bullet. Blend until they become pasty.

2. Add oil & water, blend until creamy.

3. Add yeast, lemon juice, miso, and salt. Blend until very smooth. You may add more oil or water if the consistency isn't mashing well.

4. Taste, add more salt accordingly. Remove mixture from blender. Place in a pretty little dish. Top with fresh parsley.

5. Refrigerate for minimum of 20 minutes. Serve with bread or crackers, or if you're feeling extra healthy with your New Year's resolutions, some chopped raw veggies.

An afterthought about vegan cheese. Some people complain that the color is weird, or why you would want to eat something that's gray. But we would just like to say, anyone who has seen Beauty and the Beast knows to "try the gray stuff-- it's delicious! Don't believe me, ask the dishes!" And then the dishes dance. So as you can tell, it's a worth a try. Also, cheese isn't meant to be pretty. It's meant to be dank and delicious.

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